Dreams. Premonitions. Paranoia.

I had a weird dream. And the rest is history, they usually say.

It took me minutes to digest if I'm gonna write and publish this particular post. But I thought that this might be a good one, and by this note I could reflect more on the subject plus hearing what my close friends can say.

Just the usual lazy Saturday afternoon, I had my power nap before running errands and maximizing the day last weekend. Knowing that when I wake up, I would feel better and more energized that is. However, the opposite happened.

On my dream, I was sitting so healthy. Not the lacking pose, but a good relaxed sit. To death :| I was perfectly fine and on the dream I just had my pay. It was unclear though, if I'm on a bus or a cab but what I can remember is that I'm perfectly tucked in a seat. Safe and sound. Loud and sudden pound on my heart made my body felt cold. And on the dream, I had a conversation with God.

Me: Lord, eto na po ba talaga? (I was pertaining to my life's end)

God: Yes (A stiff fatherly voice)

I was never scared to die on my waking life, coz' for me when it's over, accept it that it's over. After all, God had granted you the gift of life and the chance to live it. It's a fair share. That's my perception. But I find it hard to believe that on my dream, I was even trying to win a bargain with God. 

I sited that I just had my pay and I'm planning to buy things for family and friends and myself. Christmas and New Year is coming, would I no longer spend it with them? Those bargain questions overflowing from a frail Pollie. But I lose the bargain. Coz' life's never a bargain at all.

On the dream, my right fist was clasped so tight. (I'm not sure what does that mean) But when I asked God one more time, if this is my end then I heard again the close ended YES. 

I raised my white flag of submission. And accepted the end of the story.

-It was really a weird dream. You know a dream so real? That you feel like it really happened. And that I was not feeling that I am dreaming on the picture. I'm not scared to die really but the dream just made me think and look back to realize of what I have right now and what should I be doing to seize the days and make every single day special. Of how grateful I should be. But I was left puzzled and thinking. But not worrying.

And this is not yet the end of the story. There's a dream my sister had yesterday morning. I won't go into details. But she's someone who dreams of things and happening, that next day you'd be able to see it in the news. Creepy I know, but a gift of seeing those things is undoubtedly disturbing for her.

It was in blur...

I was on my bus ride at around 5AM, when my phone rang. I answered the call and I heard a worried voice on the other line. My sister asked me, where I'm at. And I replied somewhere in Ayala. What bus are you riding at? she said. I replied AC Trans. I heard a broken reply from her. "Magingat ka Pops, Kakapanaginip ko lang. Banggaan ng AC Trans bus, yung mga taong sakay.....Blah Blah". And I was left shaken on my seat.

I reached the building safely, and Thank God for that. But all through out yesterday, I was lost and mystified. Up to the moment I punched out to go home and wait for another bus ride home. I had my rest at home. And now I was awaken....

Then a news just broke in from a phone call. A bus just shifted out and skidded sideways along EDSA, leaving it in it's coasted position. And the other details, I'm not sure about it. And I don't want to know it at the moment.

It's 2:22 on the clock, and few minutes from now, I'll be prepping up for work and take a bus ride for work. 

I just thought that this could serve as another nudge of realization for me and for us too. To seize the days we have. Beautiful nor ugly days. It's part of our life. Live it and treasure every single snap. 

May God continuously bless and guide us everyone! Take Care <3

NOTE: Facebook Note ( December 21, 2010. 0151AM)

Time flies

It's ironic how long it takes us to wait for something to happen. How long we wait, just for the week to end and so we could go grab a rest.

But time flies too fast. You close your eyes and the next day you'd be surprised that another day is just about to start. And it's hard to catch up. It's difficult to chase what you've missed.

Time flies.........

Today's a Sunday. And after closing my eyes. It's gonna be Monday. Another week of work. I haven't completely given myself a good rest. Ohhh I wish I could. But I just feel, I'm tooo much going with the flow.

Sat-urday

It's past three weeks since I started training for my present job. It's demanding. I had to change things, and get into being used to it. Sleeping patterns. Changed. Eating habits. Changed. Sense of Time. Changed and Gone. To the point that I almost forgot small things I usually do which I was known for. My phone, whom I only check after work. Then that's the time I would reply to the messages on my inbox that was there as early as 9am. I could no longer keep a conversation of 3 minutes long via text with my pals. Time is too illusive to me. I conclude.

Back on my younger years, I would always ask why people (like my sisters who were working) seemed so occupied that they couldn't keep up a longer talk with their younger siblings like me after going home. I thought that they have completely changed and their job is the single thing behind it. No more homework mentoring. I could no longer ask them to draw a church for my Arts class. I could no longer ask them to make an essay or a slogan for me about climate change that is due the next day. Those things have changed.

It's a Sat-urday. A day to relax and to collect all lost strength.And I think I now understand why they were like that...

Poooooof. Life is a Puzzle.

And so I prayed...

Life is a puzzle. A mind boggling turn of a game. It's like a maze. It's like a quest. It's like a popper. It may be surprising at times, like a fire cracker. Anywhen at anyhow, it could just shock right on your face. Poooof! Surprise! Without the knowledge of what is coming, it is certain that it is written. Not even a hit or single pinch qt notice.

God works the same way. He works mysteriously but in the wisest way He know. Like picture puzzle pieces perfectly laid on my base board. Life happenings that is cut unevenly, randomly mixed with other small pieces. Irrelevant, those may look, still it is assured that it will fit in, fill what's missing and what needs to be paired. God is wise. He knows his puzzle boards really well, and so we are His crafts.

And just last night, I was shaken. A cracker popped right on my face. With my heart and mind too far already to recognize this particular encounter to be real, in such surprising way that would inflame my sleeping soul once more to the thing I have kept off my expectations for the past maturing years I've had.

***As I was writing this note on my ride home last night, I wonder. I asked. I was shaken. And so I'm about to go exit the train. It is moving slowly, approaching the station. But it stopped and so I looked at the glass door in front of me. It blew right on my face, the illuminated cross atop the church is perfectly parallel on the very same place I'm standing. 

I prayed...

 .

.....And so I thought, God planned what happened last night

I Am Me

I'm an idealist. I am dreamy. Picturesque figments. And that is because I was born to write and scribble my ideals. But at the end of each day, I still am a fan of reality ♥

I don't know, I'm not sure. I think I'm still figuring it out. These words echoing right inside my core. Perhaps, I could say that I don't know myself really well. Sometimes, the thought of being a psycho cracks in. I find it hard to decide, I find it hard to move on and get over. There are times I wanna be alone and contemplate or get drown of long sleeps all thru the summer days. But there are also times, I want to bang my head into loud music or jump into thrills and abrupt picks of decision whatever outcome it will bring. It's all weird. Odd it may seem, I am confused.

Yet, I'm positive about it. Maybe, I'm blooming late. Like a single red tulip in a sea of yellow tulips. Maybe, I'm still on the process and verge of growing up. What do you think? I'm 19. Is it possible? I'm not certain of it too. Either ways, life is about finding it out, and being puzzled. Coz' I believe if it wasn't made that way, the whole earth population would be a total dummy of ignorance and insensibility. We wouldn't be pushed to decide on our own, we wouldn't have to use our heads. We aren't gonna be required to think maturely. There would be no confusions, and psychological issues or crisis. There wouldn't be psychiatrists and psychologists. And so, no established principles and knowledges to cultivate and puzzle us. Can you picture it?

Back to the thought, don't be anxious about being different, of being classified as the .000001 % composition of the human race - of the thought you aren't like a normal human you see in the household, school, workplace and everywhere. This is your life, this is a world where freedom is free (That's the word). Continue being the way you are, as long as you aren't harming anyone - move on and be happy. It could be said plain easy, but I know its hard yet if you want something you would gladly and tirelessly do it right? Just live life. Don't mind the falls and cuts you'll have, think of the positive things you will gain from all those. And along the way, you'll be the best person you can be. Meet different kinds of people. Fall in love. Run like a kid. Mess Up. Drive down the hill. Dive a Leap. Consume what's beneficial. Get hurt. Then forgive. And learn so you can move on again.

Walk into the journey and find your way to happiness and self discovery. Coz' when you do, that's enough and greater than the scientific discoveries we have on books. For those petty journey, will prove your own brand of self worth.

Just like a single red tulip in the sea of yellow spring bliss.....

*Wrote this one few months ago, during my bummer days looking for a firm to have my internship at. Those old days I have in front of pc with a bowl full of food on my hand. When I usually confuse myself pondering random thoughts. Miss those days, when writing is a blink away; when u have all the time. To read and to write. To think and contemplate. Too far from what kind of days I have now. 

Just now, someone inspired me to publish this and release this note from my contained box of drafts collections dating as old as 2008 <3 Hope this one makes point.

A Sleeping Heart

It's a Wednesday morning.2:54 am on the pc clock. Still reading random notes online, where lessons and slap quotes await. Trying to absorb everything and look onto the life's offers. At the very same time, browsing some music from Youtube to make myself feel good, since I have to for work few hours from now. Plus finishing (or starting and been trying to start for hours now) a school paper for my brother whom I asked for a favor. It's ask and pay after all.

The rooster crying his morning routine. Like a King ordering his soldiers to announce a very important majestic order. Topping and starting the day with this, for optimists it's good. Hearing the positivity and the beginning of the day. Loud. Severe. Prompt.

But as for a lonely soul, it's the same. Nothing special. Non amusing. Ordinary. The Usual.

Because deep inside me......... is a Sleeping Heart.

First Things First

First things first comes today.


I am partly inspired by someone to put up a blog site, where i could store my most kept notes about the big story variations of love, faith, sorrow, pain, hope, grief, happiness, and getting back again.

So this is Day 1. A gloomy morning inside my system, which I'm certainly praying that won't psych the whole week out. I have this feeling of exhaustion and emptiness. And I hate it this way. I am being paid for my first job, roughly my 3rd week I am expected to do good, that is.

This blog post obviously isn't the cheery one, though I am trying to. I think, I'm not making sense. Do I? No?

Pfewwwwwww.

Help! I want a motivation and drive.....